#1 Make no assumptions.
In a perfect world, people would behave and think just like you. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world.
Other people simply don’t have the frame of reference you do. Each person comes with a completely different set of life experiences and preferences. Perhaps they have a different value system that guides their beliefs and the way they interact with the world.
The point is, people will never do things exactly as you would. So, if you want things done a certain way, you have to tell people exactly how you want them done.
Leave no room for guessing. I am talking play-by-play instructions.
Whether it’s your loved one’s care plan, discharge papers from the hospital, your Durable Power of Attorney, or final wishes, make sure everyone knows what must be down and who is supposed to do it.
It will save you many headaches, spare you lots of arguments, and slash your risk of making poor decisions under times of emotional duress.
#2 Peace of mind comes with a price.
Grandma’s LTC insurance policy covers about 7 hours a day at what we pay her Sidekicks.
Since her claim was approved (and even before that), I’ve been supplementing what her long term care insurance & assets would cover with the care she needed.
There came a point when I was (for whatever reason) unable to do this day in and day out. If I continued providing all the support my grandma needed beyond her daily maximum, I wouldn’t be able to build my client base or work on any projects. I wouldn’t be able to support myself and could lose everything. I would be stressed out and sad. Ultimately, the care I provided would suffer. We would both be miserable.
So, I learned that I can have peace of mind if we’re willing to pay for it.
For me, that price is about $100 + withholding on every other week night, and, now, every other Sunday, the times when the Sidekicks are with her. In order for me to have three days of uninterrupted work time and self-care, this is what it costs.
It’s not always a price tag.
Sometimes, it is a sacrifice you make. A compromise. The guilt you feel for taking time away from your loved one or asking someone to help carry the load.
The ultimate price you pay when you fail to get the peace of mind you need is your health. Even your life. Which is worth more to you?
You must find a way to have peace of mind.
#3 Tomorrow is not promised.
Certainly, you have to plan for the future. There are non-negociables that give us peace of mind (like being financially secure, having a place to live, receiving the proper care).
At the end of the day, what’s most important is the here & now.
If you spend so much time worrying about the future, you will forget to live in the current moment.
Same goes for the past. If you allow trauma and hurts from yesterday to control your behavior and actions today, you’re limiting opportunities for joy today.
So #DWTFYWD (within reason):
- Make every effort to make sure those you love know and feel it
- Find reasons to smile and laugh even through the bullshit
- Accept that it could be worse (and is, somewhere)
- Do what makes you happy and gives you life
- Try to avoid negative influences on your mind, body and spirit
I sure learned a lot in 2019. I can’t wait to see what lessons 2020 brings me.
What did you learn last year? Drop your PoV in the comments 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
This post was inspired by a writing prompt from the For Women Who Roar (FWWR) Community. You can join us here: https://www.patreon.com/forwomenwhoroar