Barbara Lynn (aka Grandma) took her last breath here on earth on January 29, 2022.
It happened just over a week ago, and it still feels surreal to say.
My grandma’s victory is bittersweet. It couldn’t have been more peaceful and everyone who came through assured me she looked comfortable and pain-free. It was the perfect ending.
Now, the house is eerily quiet. I never thought things were ever that noisy here to begin with, but subtract the hum of the low air loss mattress, the furnace kicking on and off (and trust me, it was quite toasty in here for Gma), the constant piano hymns playing in the background, and the humidifier glub, and the noise pollution is sub-negative.
I wake up. I feed the monsters… and then what is there to do?
Find some things to do to fill the time until it’s time to feed the monsters again.
My house is clean. I stay on top of my plants.
Just what is there for me to do?
For the past almost seven years, my entire world has revolved around ensuring the safety, well-being, and quality of life of Grandma.
For the past four months (at least), all of my energy and focus was fixated on taking care of Grandma. Creating a diversion. Alleviating pain and fears. Planning and preparing meals. Keeping watch.
My house, my heart, and my life all feel quite empty.
My caregiving mission is complete. Grandma is gone… and what is there for me to do?
My cup overfloweth.
Here’s to yet another temporary farewell and new adventures.
